Bill Edmunds  July,2019

(in the style of C.J. Dennis)

Me, I got gastro real bad,
Worst gastro that I’ve ever ‘ad!
I spent 4 days between bed and loo,
There was nothin’ else that I could do!

Then one night in the early hours,
I blacked out, de’ydrated by the scours,
. . . In the ensuite!

Wife, Joy, said, “’Nough’s enough!
Bill, get back to bed!
It’s off to the Doc. for you next day,
And a hospital bed, if I have my say!”

And so it came to pass . . .

Me mate, ‘Arry, brought in the daily ‘rag’,
The ‘Stray-yan’, and there on page 7
Was a ‘Rocket Man’, ‘overing beside the Op’ra ‘Ouse.
“Wow!” I said to meself, “These would solve ’Obart’s traffic woes!
The Guv’ment should use its nouse!”
No more congestion on the bridge!
The Southern Outlet would be a breeze!

The Australian, July 22, 2019

But, ‘ere’s the rub, . . .

‘Ere I lie on me ‘ospital bed
And dreams of flyin’, are just a tease!
The folk at the ‘ospital, fixed me up, real good,
As only ’ospital nurses could!

They managed to fix the ‘TRO’.
Which left the ‘GAS’ to deal with though.
Joy was excited by a vision of me
Swooping around the ‘ospital room,
Like a deflating balloon, and then . . .

Falling crumpled to the floor! . . .

Yep, a vision splendid!
But ‘ere’s ‘ow me story ended.

As I sat on the loo with tummy distended
There came, consequences unintended!
I left the pedestal as if by magic,
And ‘overed beneath the lights of ‘Tastic’
PJ’s around ankles, ‘ands on me knees, bare be‘ind  . . .

Lookin’ down from way up there,
Lookin’ down on me paraphernalia,
The words of The P.M., ScoMo, sprang to mind.

“’Ow good is this, Austraya?
‘Ow good is this!”

Special thank you to the Nursing Staff, Doctors and Specialist Oncologist at St Johns Hospital, Hobart. – Bill